~~OM~~

What is the extent to which conflict in a relationship should be resolved and worked through? How can you tell when arguments signify irreconcilable differences and it's time to go separate ways?

When we recognize arguments are about strategy (i.e. determining the most efficient way to reach our collective goals), then negotiation is definitely recommended. It is necessary at that point to establish rapport, to create a conducive environment to reaffirm our commitment to our ultimate goals, and then search for trades, so each can give and take and feel enhanced by the relationship.

When one party begins to consistently make inappropriate demands, which may not be negotiable, then it is time to take a closer look at the ultimate objectives of the relationship. If those goals of the relationship are no longer relevant, then it is time to negotiate a peaceful resolution.

What can and cannot be forgiven in a relationship?

Everything can be forgiven; not necessarily forgotten, but definitely forgiven. We give others our forgiveness just as we ourselves want to be forgiven. But there must be sincere repentance so that we do not continually repeat the same mistakes again and again. If we do find a pattern of continual repetition, then it may be time to reexamine our goals.

All relationships involve some kind of compromise along the way, right? So how much can/should we sacrifice for our partners?

We should want to sacrifice everything, especially that which we hold dearest to our hearts. If we are prudent in defining our goals from the outset, our partnerships are designed to lead us to the fulfillment of our highest aspirations, then there should be so much trust in the relationship that there is nothing that we cannot sacrifice for it. In fact, it should be a privilege to make such a sacrifice just to have the opportunity to demonstrate the sincerity of our love.

If you find that you are resisting making such a sacrifice, then you had better look to your personal values, making sure that they are still in harmony with the goals of the partnership. Then you can decide how much you want to sacrifice in furtherance of the partnership and also simultaneously see how your and your partner's goals are diverging, determining the extent to which you two will thus create separate paths.

When we know it is time to end a partnership, how do we end it properly?

Effective communication is essential, and in this, fairness is the main ingredient. A negotiated approach, without demands, is the most effective way. A realistic timeline to separation is also the most practical method in this situation.

Oftentimes, upon separation, one partner simply says, "That's it!" And then both partners become sentimental and cease to cooperate with each other. Rather than falling into this situation, transitioning partners should try to reach out to each other and ensure that even each departure leaves the other enhanced rather than depleted. This is essentially because spirituality means giving more than we take. If we want to be spiritual while moving on to the next step of our lives, we should search for how we can edify each other even in the process of transitioning.

Can partnerships in trouble be salvaged (i.e. can goals be reworked at all)? Can a partner inspire you to formulate a completely new goal? What is the validity of the new goal?

Certainly every two individuals will share their goals with each other, and inspire each other to participate in both their individual goals and their collective goals. AS partners work together with greater efficiency, the inspiration grows, and we formulate completely new goals. In this way the partnership evolves, the individuals evolve, and the circle of influence of that community grows accordingly.

When a partner does something that hurts us, how do we handle it?

First, we must contain our zeal to respond emotionally. An emotional response may very well exacerbate the situation, and add to outcomes that we never intended.

The more prudent course of action would be to wait until both partners are cool and the environment is conducive, and then explain to our partner how we felt hurt by their words or actions, and ask from him or her whether this is the direction that we want our relationship to evolve? More effectively we could ask, "How do you think we could have handled this situation more efficiently so that neither of us felt imposed upon?"

We all realize that we are never going to find a relationship that does not take work and sacrifice. We will feel hurt from time to time because of the attitudes of our partner. But the goal of our working together is to evolve to a state of equilibrium from which we cannot be moved. Therefore, the expression of our hurt must be in such a way that both partners can grow so we don't repeat that kind of behavior in the future.

How much should we expect from our partners (i.e. what rights do we have on things like fidelity, time commitment, etc.)?

That is totally dependent upon the type of partnership we have, how we define our goals and expectations. In the optimal partnership, we could define total commitment. There is nothing which takes precedence over this relationship.

We know that circumstances in life are constantly changing, and to maintain this ideal is a tremendous privilege. Each set of circumstances will help to determine in which ways are the partners required to work together to come as close to the goal as possible.

How should we handle any anger we feel in relationships against our partner?

Don't explode!

Stop! Say your mantras! Think of your goals! Cool off!
Never negotiate from a position of anger. You will not be successful. Please, remember what you are trying to achieve and defuse the anger. Put yourself in balance and then talk objectively without all the emotion. Intense emotion is only going to create a bigger mess. So please try to remember to stay calm in such situations.

What is a good way to talk/work through conflicts together?

The first and most important step is to create the most conducive environment possible in which to solve the dispute. Start by freeing yourselves from all distractions. Take the phone off the hook, turn off the TV, and stop all other actions so you can focus on one another. Begin the discussion with a review of your respective and shared goals. Then go on to a review of the processes you're using to achieve these goals. Then only can you initiate a discussion about what's obstructing your goals. Finally, look for points of resolution. From an angry confrontation, the conflict should quickly transform into an objective and effective troubleshooting process.

How do we work past the pain that breakups cause us?

First, we must realize that the root cause of our pain is attachment—not attachment to the broken relationship, per say, but rather, attachment to whatever unfulfilled desire that we had hoped that the relationship would fulfill. Once we understand that and really deeply intuit that knowledge, comprehending that all of our pain has no actual connection to the ex-partner themselves, then we can get busy preparing to devote ourselves to new goals worthy of our pursuit.

Suddenly, somewhere along the way, we get busy with life and forget about the pain of our loss. Then again we get excited about our current endeavors.

How do you stay friends with an previous partner?

If we really have common goals, partners could continue to work together, recognizing that they are not lovers, but partners pursuing a common goal. If partners no longer share common interests, most probably they will go in separate directions and have no further contact.

Is infidelity an unpardonable transgression? I.e. how do we deal with a partner who has been unfaithful?

No, infidelity is not unpardonable, but a moment's indiscretion can surely erect major difficulties that must be surmounted in order to continue the relationship. As far as the relationship goes, such suffering as those obstacles can cause is never worth it.

It is said that those experiences which begin in enjoyment and end in pain are tamasic. Those experiences which begin in hardship and end in delight are surely sattvic. Reflecting upon the feelings with which the relationship began and with which it currently produces/ended, we must choose which types of experiences we will want to pursue: sattvic or tamasic.