With my mind full of serenity I bask in the pure desire to lose my head to the Mother Kali. She sings my name in a timeless space of anti-dimension, wreathed in the flame of love, She cuts my Heart open with Her silent perfection.
Bending my head to Her feet, She laughs a wild vibration, destroys the world around me and collapses me into Herself.
Grasped by the head with one hand, I am lifted up to stare Her in Her black eyes of fire, and I notice as I stare into this eternal darkness of Her mystery, that Her pupils are all the infinite universes ever created, and they are all being born and exploding simultaneously.
She laughs at my bewilderment of this demonstration of infinite death being killed by birth infinitely, and forces me to concentrate on the experience of the soul dissolving reality I perceive within Her.
I see She is not even there now, not how I thought She would be; there is nothing but a great and infinite emptiness, devoid of all reason, logic and frailty, but somehow completely full – bursting with energy and pregnant with the secret meaning buried in the ancient past of billions of universes: The same song sages both terrestrial and alien have sung since the birth of idea.
She is not there because somehow, I am Her, staring into my own infinity. I do not understand, but before I can contemplate this and become further entangled in my mind, the fire of Her love instantly engulfs me and I cry out in the agony of incineration.
My boiling flesh is my outer coverings of falsity and posturing, the facade of my personality. It drips from my bones, the structure of my experience of limitation, the karma and tendencies I have wrapped myself up in.
These bones, the edifice of my sleeping mind, are blackened in the furnace of Her gaze, and the marrow of seeded desires, deep within the casual reality of my ignorance, bursts open from the heat of Her love.
All the organs comprising my illusion are melted away, and their foul odors of shame, fear, hatred and doubt are incinerated in the longing I feel for more of Her.
But I will not succumb to this death, I will not fall asleep; I will remain locked forever in Her gaze.
As I am thinking this, She quickly lifts me higher and cleaves my Head from limitation, holding me aloft, the blood of all attachment boiling and dripping out of my ego She now holds in Her hand.
I am staring into the infinity of Her eyes, all the while never looking away, for I have given my fear to Her as an offering.
She opens wide Her mouth, and a chasm greater than any ever conceived is now before me, and I am exalted: She is going to consume my essence and absorb me into Herself. With a great and yawning gape of Her jaws, She swallows my severed head of ignorance and digests it instantly. I AM WITHIN HER NOW.
I open my eyes to the reality of Her body all around me: In the feelings of sensory experience, breath in the wind and sun in the eyes. All smiles are Hers, as well as snarls and infamy.
She is everywhere, all the same, complete and radiant. There is nothing but Her and my Heart cries out in an ecstasy unimaginable to perceive Her alone and everywhere, for all eternity.
I am forever Her child; inseparable, un-killable and unable to be born, pure light in reaction, with no agenda and no time, no space, no craving.
I am fulfilled, and the work She has set for me to do happens by itself, for She has heard me, as She truly hears us all.
Liberated is such an insufficient word, describing nothing, a place to go that cannot exist, for nothing but Her is anywhere.
She has killed my mind with Her love and She shows me the wonders of consciousness in flame, the greatest sacrifice of wisdom in a state of infinite expansion throughout the dimensionless causeways of Her ocean of pure being.
She now allows me to sing to Her without reaction, without time, without thought of falsity, past, present or future. The threes have become something one cannot hope to approach, and I exist in a state of constant apocalypse, the end of all things, faceted jewel of purity, with infinite faces of Her holy geometry.
She is my Mother, She is my Father, She is my Friend, She is my Teacher. She is the Guru, and Her wisdom saturates my being every time this scenario plays itself out, constantly repeating in Her cycles, putting shame to infinity.
She is the Goddess, Mahadevi, Holy respected perfection, and I cannot contain my bliss to know Her and see Her seeing me.
She perceives all this, so She makes me forget for a time so we can have fun together in Her play. But I know She knows me, and loves me, and I cannot now ever forget this again, for even Her power is conquered by the pure love of Her devotee – She is helpless in the face of Selfless love.
And so I come back again, unattached and saturated with Her wisdom; yet that wisdom retreats now out of necessity into the silent corner within, waiting to leap out and destroy this eternal malady of forgetfulness, that which hides the truth of reality, for how could I work in such a state of perfection?
Useless and immobile, stuck in the radiant bliss of knowing Her in all places and all times, I could get nothing done in this worldly place of duality. Who could?
But it is a trick She plays, for a tiny sector of my being knows, all the time, who She is – a tiny particle knows the truth, will never forget again.
And so I play the game we all do, going through the motions, crying out to Her, falling down, getting back up again, but the secret corner of my Heart smiles Her smile of lightening, flashing the illuminating spark of Truth from time to time.
I wait, always with focus, for the time She will expand, for the time She will cry out for me to remember fully. She will not wait long.